How to care for ageing parents living with dementia

Keep calm

Dementia can give rise to challenging behaviour, including angry outbursts and aggression. Always remember that your loved one is not responsible for everything that they say or do, so meet anger and frustration with calmness. Keep your voice soft and gentle to soothe your loved one and reassure them that all is well.

Be patient

Dementia can lead people to repeat the same sentence over and over or perform the same behaviour repeatedly. Although this can be intensely frustrating, try to keep patient. An effective way of breaking the cycle of repetitive activity is to direct the person to another kind. Try not to lose your patience, but if you feel that you simply cannot cope, walk away for a few minutes to give yourself a break.

Whether you are caring for your parent in your own home, or in theirs, it can be a good idea to arrange for some respite care from time-to-time, to give yourself a break. Look for carers who specialise in Alzheimer’s care and dementia care. Many families feel guilty if they take time away from their loved one when in fact, it provides a much-needed break which can be helpful in clearing the mind and dealing with the stress that dementia creates.

Keep your loved one safe

Some people with dementia have a habit of wandering and getting lost. If your loved one shows signs that they might attempt to leave the house, then take sensible safety precautions. You could fit a lock higher up on the door, for example, or set an alarm to alert you when they open the front door.

Emergency bracelets are a good idea, as these provide details of your loved one’s name and address in case of an emergency. Increasingly, families are using GPS systems that allow them to keep track of wandering family members too, so investigate options that might be appropriate in your own circumstances.

You may want to arrange a Herbert Protocol too. This is a national scheme introduced by the police to support a faster response. You can find a template for this here. 

Paranoid thoughts often feature strongly in dementia patients, so be prepared for loved ones to express concerns of this nature. Along with agitation, paranoia can be symptomatic of underlying issues, so encourage your loved one to voice their worries, to see if you can put their mind at rest.

Agitation and paranoia require a gentle, soothing approach, so don’t be persuaded to raise your voice or get frustrated. Don’t dismiss their feelings – let them know you’re here for them and that they’re safe, play calming music, keep noise to a minimum and speak in soft tones.

Inappropriate behaviour

It can be shocking to hear someone you love use inappropriate language, or display unwanted behaviour. Don’t react if your parent says or does something completely out of the ordinary, and try not to make a big deal out of it. Keep reminding yourself that it is not your loved one behaving in this way, but their illness.